Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 

If any of you were watching CSI:NY last night (which will soon be followed by the latest franchise installment of CSI: Dildo, Nfld.), you might have noticed Ted Raimi guest starring as a creepy garage mechanic with a knack for building custom-designed B&D machines, such as the automatic spanker or the car-mounted Victorian Cross. It's always nice to see people enjoy their hobbies. But did anyone else just find it strange to see Ted Raimi featured in something that wasn't directed by or involving his brother, Sam?

In other news, Chance has decided he is no longer a feline, but a meerkat instead. As of late, whenever I step out of the shower, he's perched on the toilet with his butt bracing him on the lid, and his front paws held up at his chest like he's surveying the African Savannah.

But let's talk about fun in the retail sector, shall we? Because those of us suffering in service industries can all attest that yes, customers suck. However, in this instance, I have to admit to never being so gratified to see two rude customers battle it out to see who got to buy a piece of luggage. Bordering heavily on "just plain rude", this overbearing couple called me over and had me explain a bunch of things about the different bits o' luggage--this being done between them having lengthy chats with a friend they happened across in the store. Then they left to look around at the luggage in other stores.

While they were out, a regular (we lament this fact) with the reputation of poking intently around the store for almost an hour at a time, asking ridiculous questions (and then asking them all over again once we've finished answering) and then never buying anything in the end, appears in the store.

Well, she decided today was a good day to look at a few pieces of luggage. By "a few", I mean "everything we had on display". Repeatedly. I swear there must have been some obssessive-compulsive disorder driving her to do this, because she kept coming back to one set and then thoroughly inspecting & examining one specific piece...for ten minutes at a time. As she's doing this, the overbearing couple from earlier return...and guess which bits o' luggage they want to buy?

In a hilarious case of "the enemy of my enemy is my friend", I got to stand back and casually watch these two go at it to see who would get the luggage. Madame Must-Examine-For-Hours began in a not so friendly tone of, "No, you can't have these. I'm still looking at them."

Sir I-Must-Have-My-Way then took matters into his own hands and retorted not to me but to her in an equally hostile voice: "Well, we're looking at getting them."

Whereupon she glared at him and stated, "Well, I'm still debating."

And he snarled back, "Well, we were in here a half hour ago looking at them, and we've already decided we're getting those."

For me, it ultimately was a win-win situation. If either of them left (which one did), it'd be one less annoying tit for me to contend with. And if they killed and/or ate each other in the process, I wouldn't have had to deal with both! Hooray for me! I wonder how much my grin was showing as, in the end, Madame Look-At-Things-Forever finally left in a snit and a huff, and stormed out of the store. I then retrieved the luggage and promptly got Sir Mine-All-Mine! out of the store with his happy purchases.

In other news, apparently now our new Spiderman backpacks come in beef flavour. At least, that's what I'm guessing, given how the label on the box they came in proudly proclaimed BEEF FLAVOURED!, and the backpacks themselves were rather ripe with the scent of those beef flavouring packets you find in Ramen Instant Noodles. I personally think this is brilliant: now when kids think Spiderman, they'll think cow! (Cash cow...)

On the other hand, the matching Spiderman lunchboxes smell like chocolate toffee bars. Or maybe we're starting a new like of "Scratch N Sniff" schoolwear. I really wouldn't know, as all of the Emails from Head Office that manage to arrive to us intact are in French. But if any new "Shrek 2" backpacks come in chicken flavour/scent, I'll be sure to let all of you know immediately!


And finally, today's installment of "Ah, The Things You Hear In Passing!" A few days ago, an older woman and her elderly mother happened by the front the store, and I was within earshot to hear the younger of the two exclaim, "You just can't blow through an intersection and make an illegal lane change!" That sort of remark makes me wonder if this woman might have been from Toronto. (A joke that will be lost on anyone who has yet to learn how suicidal or just plain maniacal TO drivers can be.)


UPDATE: in a brillaint fit of stupidity, I managed to burn an entire pot of rice tonight. Black, have-to-scrape-off-with-a-spatula kind of burnt. And yes, it involved those infamous stovetop burners I've always had trouble relationships with in the past. Though mind-bogglingly enough, the kettle remained perfectly unharmed. Go figure.

To quote Mel: "How do you burn rice?! That's like burning noodles!"

Me: "I think I've done that before, come to think of it."

Mel: [argh!] "Oh God."
posted by Phillip at 5:21 PM